By Bruce L. Brager
An article on a web news service says a man has sued McDonald’s for “unreasonably dangerous” materials in a chicken product. Bone fragments certainly qualify as dangerous, but the term “unreasonably dangerous” gets me. I guess there is reasonable danger in what we eat.
A bartender was shot at in Montana. The reason -- he used Clamato instead of tomato juice in a cocktail. The aggrieved patron killed the bartender’s dog in the incident. He is charged with attempted murder and animal cruelty. The reason the patron gave was that clam juice violated the Jewish laws of kashrut, kosher. Clams are banned for an observant Jew. Murder is also banned, and a lot more prominently -- “Thou shalt not kill.” Change the facts a bit, and you have a country song – he refused my Clamato and then he killed my dog. My sister was on a jury a few month ago, which hinged on a man who lost his girlfriend, and in the resultant fight with the new boyfriend his dog got killed by a car. He stole my woman and then killed my dog. Pity the car was not a pickup truck.
I once got a spam e-mail from a dating service for people seeking to have an affair. I have heard of Ashley Madison. Of course, a whole lot of people now have heard of Ashley Madison. I suppose it is part of the capitalist tradition to try and make money from bad things that people. Something like half of all marriages fall apart, so why not make a few bucks from bad behavior? The country music industry has been doing it for years. I have been a fan of country music for years for the melodies not the subject matter (to paraphrase an old John Anderson song).
A recent web ad promises females over 18 several thousand dollars a week for working as a personal entertainer; professional in public, impressive in private. I am sure the ad is looking for singer-songwriters. Well at least it specifies over 18; not all such ads do. In case you are interested, this was in the writing gigs section, not the full time lady of the evening section. Not the plot of the country song, this ad, more of an episode of Law and Order: SVU. Writers may sometimes feel they are getting screwed, but this is rather different.
“Legal” and “legitimate” appear regularly, usually attached to ways to make a lot of money quickly. Add “trust me” and all but absolute idiots will not trust you. There are ads for handwritten documents, which ask for handwriting samples. Right. Send a sample of your handwriting to a reply box. Be sure to include your social security number and a few passwords. For those who say that people are not stupid, see the last paragraph.
There has been this person in Yonkers, advertising on a web site for young people to handwrite stories, or film him exercising, or watch him present a play for teenagers. He always asks for the applicant’s age. He (I suppose this could be a she) got flagged and the ad taken down.
Finally, there is the swingers club in Nashville that wants to reclassify itself as a church so it can move to the suburbs. No this is not a country song, though it might make a good one. One suspects there is a fair amount of laying on of hands, and shouting “praise the Lord” going on.
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