OPINION: Getting Old is not the Worse Alternative

By Bruce L. Brager


When you reach a certain point in life (e.g., at least somewhat old), you begin to look at things differently, or at least somewhat differently. Maybe, with luck, you bring a sense of humor as well as a sense of honest realism. I did not stop growing when I was fourteen. I stopped getting taller. Alas, I kept growing.

You are faced with a different reason for things that might go wrong. Back pain can no longer be explained by helping a friend move a piano. Shoulder pain is no longer throwing too many sliders – or is that wrist pain? I forgot. A torn rotator cuff is not what derailed my major league pitching career. It was not just the lack of even a hint of athletic ability. Knee pain is not an old football injury – American football or soccer, take your pick. The meniscus in my dominant knee did not tear on a Super Bowl winning touchdown run. Would you believe it was saving the game by robbing the opposition of a “walk off” home run?

I am no longer prematurely balding, and not because my hair grew back. Captain Picard becomes more and more good-looking in my eyes. When I get sloppy and skip shaving for a while, I look like a famous figure from history. General Robert E. Lee would not be my first choice to resemble, though I suppose if I don’t try to lay off the fresh ground peanut butter, it beats looking like Santa Claus.

I recently had cataract surgery. Though it beats glaucoma by a mile, it does seem like old guy surgery. To show that my sense of humor – a more and more useful tool – is not dead, I found myself appreciating the irony of my second eye problem, strabismus, (crossed eyes) which rhymes with meniscus. (Are those things in the back, which cause the pain, called “discus”?) This problem usually plagues little children.

An adult pain followed. I tried to get the insurance company to pay for glasses, though without success when I didn’t follow their exact claims procedures – primarily the sin of going to an optician I trust rather than one in their “network.” I feel so ashamed. Actually the insurance company paid most of the other medical expenses for my eyes, so complaining is unfair. But, then again, self-centered complaining is the American way.

When I met with someone from this company to see about transferring from my Obamacare plan to a Medicare supplement plan, I went to a nearby hospital to meet with a representative. While I was waiting I noticed a sign a few offices down, “geriatric outpatient services.” That would be me.

My latest age culture shock occurred with the last few days. I went for a walk on an exceedingly hot day in New York. I walked up 70th street to get the walk along the East River, instead of 71st. Rather than totally backtrack, I cut through the covered entrance of the David M. Koch entrance to the Hospital for Special Surgery. (Apparently the Koch brothers use money for things other than buying elections.) This hospital, world famous for orthopedics, was founded in 1863 as The Hospital for the Relief of the Ruptured and Crippled. The first patients were admitted on May 1, 1863, the first day of the American Civil War Battle of Chancellorsville.

They have a current ad campaign showing how active one can be after surgery. One shows an attractive woman, 40-something, jogging along a beautifully scenic ocean front route, 84 days after meniscus surgery. Does this mean if I have knee surgery I can jog with an attractive woman in a beautiful area, or become a successful jazz drummer, or a champion water skier? Doctor, after surgery will I be able to play the violin? Of course. Funny, I can’t play the violin now.

When push comes to shove, I try to remember the words of a 93 year old woman on a promo for a local hospital, “Don’t complain about being old. If you are not old, you are dead.”

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All opinion pieces reflect solely the views of the writer(s) and do not reflect the opinions or views of CAB News Online.

OPINION: Cowboy Diplomacy

By Bruce L. Brager

In these days of same old stupidity coming out of Washington, one newly elected Republican senator has come up with a new wrinkle. Tom Cotton, the junior senator from Arkansas, has managed to set himself apart from the drastically unimpressive group of Republicans elected in the Democratic disaster of 2014.

This group includes the gentleman from North Carolina, Senator Thom Tillis. He has called for eliminating the federal regulation that requires restaurant workers to wash their hands after using the bathroom. He would replace this with a regulation stating that the food service institution would have to post a sign stating that they were not requiring hand washing. Even if you favor decreasing regulations, I’ll bet you are wondering why replace a health regulation with another less useful regulation.

This group also includes Senator Joni Ernst, the gentlewoman from Iowa. She thinks states should be allowed to nullify federal laws they don’t like, particularly, what else from a Republican, gun control laws. I’ll bet you thought nullification went out the window in 1832, when Andrew Jackson made South Carolina back down – over a tariff, not over slavery – not to mention the Supremacy Clause of the Constitution. She is currently a Lieutenant Colonel in the Iowa National Guard, presumably someone who understands chain of command and the proper role of the branches of the federal government. The President conducts foreign policy, and has since the days of George Washington. The Congress has a role to play, starting with paying for the foreign policy. Individual senators do not, outside of legitimate commentary and debate. There actually are other parts of the Constitution, aside from the second part of the Second Amendment on the right to bear arms.

Both these folks were among the 47 Republican senators who signed the recent – and briefly, with the short American attention span — infamous letter to the Iranian government. These 47 bright bulbs thought it a good idea to publically tell an adversary not to trust the President of the United States during critical negotiations. Years from now historians will wonder “What were they thinking?” “Were they even thinking?” Substantively, the letter was a mistake. Tactically, it was a great mistake.

Opponents of negotiations have argued that the Iranians cannot be trusted; not an illogical conclusion. But let the Iranians brand themselves as the untrustworthy party. Let them do your work for you. This idiot letter, for want of a better term, Senator Cotton’s brilliant idea, takes the onus for lack of trust from the Iranian government and religious leaders, and puts it on us. Normally, when Tehran says it is sunny out most people want to carry umbrellas. However, this genius letter reverses the equation. It increases the chance that we will be held responsible for failure, not the Iranians.

Eventually we may have to take military action against Iran. But the realities of today’s world make it necessary to take preliminary steps before resorting to war. Morally, war should never be the first option. Politically, baring the immediate threat of attack, war cannot be the first option. These 47 have damaged the pre-war options, damaged the chance to avoid war, and made it harder to make the case before, or after, if military action is necessary.

So what should Democrats do? First of all, don’t throw around the term “treason” like some news media. Anger at the letter is justified, anger at Senators trying to cut off the President in a delicate moment of foreign policy. Remember not to attribute to malevolence what can be explained by politically motivated stupidity and an obsessive dislike of a president. The law against private citizens conducting diplomacy would be confusing to apply. Did the Senators, 47 individuals as opposed to the Senate as a whole, try to conduct foreign policy? Are they so intent on destroying the Obama presidency that nothing stands in their way, even engaging in cowboy diplomacy (I apologize to the hard-working cowboys) seemingly designed to wreck an American, and allied, diplomatic effort? Or, did they just pick a very bad way, a virtually unique bad way, of debating policy? Don’t get them any sympathy by prosecution, but don’t let voters forget their action.

The simple part is to make sure the public does not forget the blunder, what we might call “lettergate.” Let their actions be the best argument against them, the best political message, and the best proof of how far so many Republicans are willing to go for political advantage at the expense of the national interest. But that is the easy part.

The hard part is to come up with a verifiable agreement with the Iranians; hard enough without sending in the clowns. The agreement must decrease the chance the Iranians can cheat, ensure that they will be caught if they cheat, and ensure they will pay a severe price for any cheating.

The bizarre action of the senators should not be a reason to back a bad deal. Remember the lesson of TV mysteries — you set up someone else to take a fall, not yourself.

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All opinion pieces reflect solely the views of the writer(s) and do not reflect the opinions or views of CAB News Online.